[ BTW to the two of you reading, I'm really sorry you have to read this and know it about me, this particular blog is going to be one of those that show you the part of me that shames me most]
So on Friday I was having lunch, and Friday (up until lunch had gone pretty well, I planted six hanging planters with about 15 different orchids to hang from the greenhouse ceiling and they look beautiful. Btw THANK GOD for Green Industries because that class is pure therapy for the mind sometimes).
So lunch, I had to show my friend this video about this 13 yr old girl who had the courage to give a speech in front of the UN General Assembly on how they are doing nothing about adequately saving the environment. It is VERY INSPIRATIONAL for someone who is THIRTEEN to stand up and talk for about 10-15 minutes in front of UN officials. And honestly the way this girl talks is extremely mature, she dosent sound thirteen and she slams all of her points home. It wowed me. Plus she and her friends raised their own money to fly from vancouver to south america for their cause. I mean WOW.
BUT NO, SOME FUCKING ONE HAS TO BE THEIR NEGATIVE SELF AND RUIN THINGS.
"Oh she's so fake and insincere, if she were sincere she would say hat all from memory and acctually mean it." WHAT WERE YOU NOT LISTENING??? Shes THIRTEEN, she has the COURAGE to plainly say what she wants to in front of a HUGE HALL of IMPORTANT ADULTS. Thats INTIMIDATING and she only faltered slightly sometimes. YOU TELL ME IF YOU WOULD HAVE EVER DONE THAT. MY GOD.
But hey of COURSE there had to be more >.>
"I hate how adults listen to kids talking. Why is that? Thats so dumb. kids are ignorant and dumb. They dont know anything and have no experience"
WHAT?/ Its incredible to hear mature children because what they say is sincere, untainted and innocent. Innocence and naivety is what makes a child's words powerful and impactful. if it were an adult the next person would be like yeah whatever but from a child its awe inspiring. I had to repeat this like literally 5 times. Did you know I hate people who repeat the same question again and again just when youve explained yourself and i HATE interruptions while I'm answering your effing question???
WELL THERE WE GO.
I ALMOST came THIS close to committing bloody murder right then and there. There were SO MANY murderous thoughts in my head. You see I don't require weaponry of any sort, all i need to do is punch and kick and i swear to god you will end up in hospital. I have not felt so much anger and disgusting black hate in a WHILE. I thought i had controlled and locked that up but sometimes and some PEOPLE get to me and I feel the blinding rage and I bay for blood. I had to slam myself against the lockers in front of which i was sitting and grip my laptop so I wouldnt do anything.
My friend told me she was proud of me not doing anything and honestly so am I, I'm proud of the fact that I have come far enough in holding myself when the person I want to eliminate is sitting right next to me.
If you've known and had issues with anger you get what I mean by seeing red and wanting blood and as scary and freaky as that is Im happy to say I ve reached a sense of control. The only bad thing is that keeping it all in is bad for the health and what that will do to you as a person
So after this long and dark and horrific rant I shall post the Hamlet post right after.
Again I'm sorry i've had to reveal my horrible mind to you guys but thats a part of me I hate and I guess it was bound to come up as a blog if not know then sometime in the future
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