So I havent updated in a WHILE. been busy.
:)
After The last Birthday party I had 2 tests. Both of which i failed
>.>
School is depressing lets not talk about it.
We did a Secret Sant last Thursday in the Hallway. I got...lets call her J.S. She wantes this zombie calender. Got it for her. I didnt know what else to get her. She was happy so i guess it was fine
:D
But me on the other hand, my Secret Santa was nice enough to get me the nicest, prettiest cardigen ever.
:D
ITS SO PRETTY. I LOVES IT SO MUCH!!
Its maroon and has HUGE pockets and really pretty sleeves. AND its REALLY soft and big and comfy
:)
A freind was not happy with her present, she had asked for chocolate when we were going around saying what we wanted but she had meant it as a side present. She wasnt happy. Maybe i'll make her a pair of earrings in purple to cheer her up?? I dont have any purpley beads though maybe something bluey that could pass for purple. Dunno
But that leads me to JEWLERY. A buncha friends and I went downtown to the fashion distrrict to some bead and fabric stores. Bought lots of stuff. Went back with my mom, spent 40 bucks on tools and metal parts for earrings. Ive made 7 pairs of earrings and a bracelet.
That again leads me to todays burfday. I gave a cookbook and I made a pair of earrings.
Now going on with presents another friend in University has a present for me
O.O
I have nothing to give him though and it makes me feel bad. Hes so nice. Im gonna see if i can find Aja Killian stuff for him HAHAHAHHA.
OH OH forgot rewinding back to the Secret Santa, the day after my school had a Winter Assembly. OMFG. IM SCARRED FOR LIFE> They showed one of my teachers in the shower. At least it was only his upper torso. But then my math teacher...In a red dress. Backless. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Im so scarred its not even funny. EWWEWWEWWW.
But yeah. And then im sick. Ive rarely been this sick. Ive had a fever since Monday. Sneezing and spreading germs all over my house har har har.
:D
And my burfdays coming up. Maybe ill have a little burfday party too. Last year of highschoo. Why not??
;)
~Live, Laugh, ARR
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
People
People are interesting creatures. No scrath that HUMANS i should say are interesting creatures. We love, hate, be jealous, greedy, giving, generous, murderous, kind and I could keep going.
But what I found most interesting about myself is this, I find it easy to make friends (this I dont understand, im quite unsocial and like to keep to myself and yet I make friends is that wierd???) but moving on I get along with people fine and I dont understan the emotion of hating people but recently like THIS YEAR I've found myslef loathing on the point of having murderous thought about someone. Namely my teacher. I've had her for 3 years now from grade 10 and i still have her. She teaches me chem. I tried convincing myself early on that I respect her maybe a little and that i dont hate her but i dislike her. NO. I FRIGGING HATE HER. She hates me too so the feeling is mutual.
Here is what is interesting though, I have every reason to hate her, shes rude, she insults you in class, shes hard to understand and dosent make herself clear but I hate myself for hating her. I dont like the idea of me hating someone it makes me feel bad. I much prefer making people happy and making them smile and laugh especcially if they are sad and down. That makes ME happy but when I hate someone or generally dislike them it makes me hate myself and makes me feel horrible about myself.
This has happened to me onve before in middle school. I HATED MIDDLE SCHOOL (but this is for another blog post). I hated everyone, me, my situation, my teachers (except for a few). But me hating everything and everyone mainly made me hate myself. And I swear to god I had depression. I wasnt diagnised in a hospital or anything but looking back it was depression. My emotions were haywire, my grades were all over the place and I wanted to jump out my balcony window. But the point is I hate hate pretty much. IT makes me depresseed and because of that my grade drop. In elementary i loved everyone and i was happy and my grades reflected it too I used to get A's and B's. And know Im right down in the dumps.
I tried studying Chem yesterday but everytime I sit down and start I think about HER. and how much she makes me angry. Ive had way too many murderous fantasies. even in class i play scenarios where I either get rescued by friends, my brother or something terrible happens to her. Im sure those things are not good for a human brain to have. If i went to a psychoanalysis i'll probably be put into an institution or a mental hospital or something.
Only thing keeping me sane--> Books, Friends, Upcoming fashion Show.
I think this blogging thing is keeping me sane as well though because it lets me spill my thought out and not have to worry so much anymore. But yes for know thats it.
Oh I have a math test on wednesday I'll probably fail again.
Ive been contemplating dissapearing off the face of the earth again. It seems nicer, school stress, uni applications etc wont bother me but on the other hand, my family and friends will be sad and i wouldnt want to leave them that way. Plus there is a crap load of stuff i havent done that i want to do.
~Live, Laugh, ARR
But what I found most interesting about myself is this, I find it easy to make friends (this I dont understand, im quite unsocial and like to keep to myself and yet I make friends is that wierd???) but moving on I get along with people fine and I dont understan the emotion of hating people but recently like THIS YEAR I've found myslef loathing on the point of having murderous thought about someone. Namely my teacher. I've had her for 3 years now from grade 10 and i still have her. She teaches me chem. I tried convincing myself early on that I respect her maybe a little and that i dont hate her but i dislike her. NO. I FRIGGING HATE HER. She hates me too so the feeling is mutual.
Here is what is interesting though, I have every reason to hate her, shes rude, she insults you in class, shes hard to understand and dosent make herself clear but I hate myself for hating her. I dont like the idea of me hating someone it makes me feel bad. I much prefer making people happy and making them smile and laugh especcially if they are sad and down. That makes ME happy but when I hate someone or generally dislike them it makes me hate myself and makes me feel horrible about myself.
This has happened to me onve before in middle school. I HATED MIDDLE SCHOOL (but this is for another blog post). I hated everyone, me, my situation, my teachers (except for a few). But me hating everything and everyone mainly made me hate myself. And I swear to god I had depression. I wasnt diagnised in a hospital or anything but looking back it was depression. My emotions were haywire, my grades were all over the place and I wanted to jump out my balcony window. But the point is I hate hate pretty much. IT makes me depresseed and because of that my grade drop. In elementary i loved everyone and i was happy and my grades reflected it too I used to get A's and B's. And know Im right down in the dumps.
I tried studying Chem yesterday but everytime I sit down and start I think about HER. and how much she makes me angry. Ive had way too many murderous fantasies. even in class i play scenarios where I either get rescued by friends, my brother or something terrible happens to her. Im sure those things are not good for a human brain to have. If i went to a psychoanalysis i'll probably be put into an institution or a mental hospital or something.
Only thing keeping me sane--> Books, Friends, Upcoming fashion Show.
I think this blogging thing is keeping me sane as well though because it lets me spill my thought out and not have to worry so much anymore. But yes for know thats it.
Oh I have a math test on wednesday I'll probably fail again.
Ive been contemplating dissapearing off the face of the earth again. It seems nicer, school stress, uni applications etc wont bother me but on the other hand, my family and friends will be sad and i wouldnt want to leave them that way. Plus there is a crap load of stuff i havent done that i want to do.
~Live, Laugh, ARR
Friday, December 10, 2010
Party
IT was a friends birthday party today.IT WAS THE BEST. I really needed it after that damned old smoker pissed me off to no end today. Ialmost blew my top on her. If you ask someone a question you ask it straight not twisted.It made me so mad, i repeated myself 5 times and she still dosent tell me what she wantsme to say. LIKE OMG. This kid who sits next to me got asked a swell and he was like "I think she covered everything" I was so happy, YES IN YOUR FACE YOU SMOKER. Like honestly there is a limit i have to hold myself off this year before i do some serious harm, if she were younger id come back and fight her but shes too old.
>.>
And then OMG the funniest thing, my school held a market day and my old physics teacher from grade 11 whom i christened Hobo as he is so scruffy, DANCED
He is so insane I dunno how he was granted his teaching lisence. Hes hilarious but just INSANE.
I ACCTUALLY thought he was a hobo when i saw him in the cafe and then i was like OMG its him BAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!!!
SOO FUNNY
But back to the party
IT WAS AMAZING. SO much fun, removed all the depression and stress of this week. I got my freind a headband and i made a pouffy flower to go on it, i also got her a bronzy eyeshadow and chocolate. She said before that she wanted makeup. The only makeup i know how to buy well is eyeliner. But when she said makeup i immediately thought for her BRONZE. And i found one left yesterda at a reasonable price SO HAPPY. I love the feeling of making other people happy. It makes me happy when i make someone else happy or put a smile on their face. IT makes me feel for lack of better terms all warm and fuzzy inside.
:D
I didnt sleepover because i wasnt allowed to but it was still so much fun. Know i want to have my own birthday party for my 17th. IT would be fun. before i have to go to school. Besides for the first time in my WHOLE SCHOOL CAREER im having a birthday on a school day.
O.O
I was lots of fun thought and it made me SOO MUCH BETTER. It feels so good to be surounded by friends. Sure we see eachother at school but we hardly have time to enjoy as we did today/tonight. We are always busy due to stupid school.
Im also thinking of not becoming a paleontologist. Im failing math and chem and these are 2 important subjects i need. WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO????
I LOVE DINOSAURS. It breaks my heart but if im failing i cant get in where i want.
I told my friends little sister that 20 yrs from know if she sees me on the street to give me her spare change. I can seriously see myslef as a beggar. Living in a cardboard box and begging, cold alone and wretched. Isnt that sad??? No one should have to imagine a future such as that. But even more sadly i find that mental image quite hilarious.
Tsk Tsk
Anyway im super sleepy so im off to bed
~Live, Laugh, ARR
>.>
And then OMG the funniest thing, my school held a market day and my old physics teacher from grade 11 whom i christened Hobo as he is so scruffy, DANCED
He is so insane I dunno how he was granted his teaching lisence. Hes hilarious but just INSANE.
I ACCTUALLY thought he was a hobo when i saw him in the cafe and then i was like OMG its him BAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!!!
SOO FUNNY
But back to the party
IT WAS AMAZING. SO much fun, removed all the depression and stress of this week. I got my freind a headband and i made a pouffy flower to go on it, i also got her a bronzy eyeshadow and chocolate. She said before that she wanted makeup. The only makeup i know how to buy well is eyeliner. But when she said makeup i immediately thought for her BRONZE. And i found one left yesterda at a reasonable price SO HAPPY. I love the feeling of making other people happy. It makes me happy when i make someone else happy or put a smile on their face. IT makes me feel for lack of better terms all warm and fuzzy inside.
:D
I didnt sleepover because i wasnt allowed to but it was still so much fun. Know i want to have my own birthday party for my 17th. IT would be fun. before i have to go to school. Besides for the first time in my WHOLE SCHOOL CAREER im having a birthday on a school day.
O.O
I was lots of fun thought and it made me SOO MUCH BETTER. It feels so good to be surounded by friends. Sure we see eachother at school but we hardly have time to enjoy as we did today/tonight. We are always busy due to stupid school.
Im also thinking of not becoming a paleontologist. Im failing math and chem and these are 2 important subjects i need. WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO????
I LOVE DINOSAURS. It breaks my heart but if im failing i cant get in where i want.
I told my friends little sister that 20 yrs from know if she sees me on the street to give me her spare change. I can seriously see myslef as a beggar. Living in a cardboard box and begging, cold alone and wretched. Isnt that sad??? No one should have to imagine a future such as that. But even more sadly i find that mental image quite hilarious.
Tsk Tsk
Anyway im super sleepy so im off to bed
~Live, Laugh, ARR
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