Mental Health

You know what scares me the most???
Mental Illnesses. Specifically Schizophrenia.

I mean imagine living out your life hearing and seeing people who other people dont see or hear. Imagine having a best friend who people are telling you dont exist.
I first got to know a little more about Schizophrenia in grade 11. For anthropology, sociology and psychology class we went to visit CAMH. People with mental illnesses are treated there. Some of the people talked to us about their illness. One guy said how he could see faces in the auditorium ceiling....how he talks to the Queen and has tea with her.
I didnt think much about it then. I didnt think they were crazy. I didnt think about how they live their life drugged up tp suppress the voices and images but still seeing them. I didnt really think about it, too preoccupied with meaningless other things that seem to take up the life of a teenager.
Last night i watched A Beautiful Mind starring Russell Crowe. I thought it was supposed to be about this mathematically gifted guy who helps the government crack cyphers except he gets into trouble. I thought woah thats so cool you know lets watch....boy was i in for a BIG surprise.
Oh before I go on the story of John Nash who is the protagonist in the movie is a real man. The movie is based on the book he wrote. He was a mathematical genius who got a scholarship to Carnegie and later declined an offer from Harvard and went to Princeton. He later was found to have paranoid schizophrenia and was in and out of hospital. He later won the Nobel Prize for his equilibrium theories.

SO i didnt know that and i believed that the movie was this awesome spy conspiracy stuff...WRONG...it SCARED the crap outta me and gave me a reality check. John Nash is still alive and probably still sees and hears stuff. As do all the other people who have schizophrenia.

Im just saying thats UNFAIR. Why does that happen? Why do people have to suffer like that?? Hey maybe they are happy with their imaginary aquaintences but its unfair in the sense that other people will now avoid them because theyll think them "crazy".

I wonder why the brain does that. Or why? Why do some people not get mentally ill? Why some mildly and why those unfortunate few who get hit severe???
Why is there lucky and unlucky?
Ultimately life is unfair

I Do....I Don't???? :S

So just last night at around 11:00 PM I began watching The Big Bang Theory. It’s the show about two physicists, Leonard and Sheldon, their equally nerdy friends, Howard and Raj, their new social neighbor, Penny and their life outside the lab. Now as soon as he meets Penny, Leonard is immediately attracted to her. Sheldon has no seeming interest in a romantic relationship. Howard is overly confident (and therefore a little…no no correction VERY pervy) around women. Raj is too shy and cannot even talk to a woman (unless drunk).

Then today not even 10 minutes ago I just finished watching Up in the Air. George Clooney as Ryan, who is just a guy who fires people for a living and is constantly on the go, flying all over America. He has no aspirations to settle down, get married or have children.

Now what do these two have to do with each other and to do with me??
Both show (which I’m not done) and movie bring out a central argument I’ve been trying to justify as I get older.
Marriage. Settling down. Children
The essential war between married to your family vs. married to your job. Is there ever going to be a balance? If so is it fair? Is it fair to your family? Or is it fair to your job?
I know this conundrum shouldn’t be a bother to me much right now. I’m 17, hey there’s plenty of time to think about it right?

IS THERE?
I’m second guessing that.

I’ve had this conversation with a university professor I volunteered for. We went from talking about the mating habits of spiders (don’t ask) to marriage.

I’ve had this conversation with a friend who seemed quite surprised and maybe a little appalled as to my personal decisions. He wants marriage and children.
Here’s the argument everyone has been trying to beat me down with…and honestly I don’t have an answer to this;

“What are you gonna do when you fall in love?”

You see this is my opinion on things. If you marry I think you should give your all to your spouse and kids. You know being able to pick up the kids after school, going for picnics together, cooking meals…that sort of thing.

If you’re a career person you should give your all to your career. Your career is your spouse and your kids.

I know there are those people who are able to do half and half but I feel like (and no offence to those people) but I feel like that’s kind of being unfair to both your family and your job, because you can’t give your 100% to either because the other is hindering you from doing so.

I mean isn’t the formula to success, happiness and all that stuff come from giving your complete and utter best at all times?

I know you aren’t supposed to mix work and family but inevitably that’s what will happen right?

To me personally I think it would be easier to just marry your career. Why? Isn’t that being more fair and just to your potential husband and children? Spare them the unnecessary grief of not seeing wife/mommy if she’s busy. Not having all of her time. Not have her around when you really need her because she’s got work.

I know that it sounds cold but I was just thinking wouldn’t that save grief for you AND your potential family?

Am I not justified? Have I not posed a sound argument? Or am I being selfish and cold hearted?

Don’t get me wrong I’m not shooting down marriage and family. Go right ahead, it’s just…I don’t know…

…its confusing…

And every time I watch a marriage ceremony (on Friends for example I just watched the episodes where Chandler and Monica get married and the one where Phoebe gets married to Mike) , but every time I see it I’m like imagine wouldn’t their lives be different if they hadn’t said “I do”? Or is that a negative and insensitive thought on my part??
I don’t know and as I get more and more bored over the summer I entertain myself by watching movies and TV shows and people seem to keep getting married or engaged.

The movie that hit home the most was Up in the Air and before that 7 Pounds.

Tell me what you think…

~Live Laugh, ARR

My Bad

Hey Hey
yeah so a second, third gazillionth time around yuup im alive.
Im not dying in some alleyway don't worry
:D

So as updates go this one is pretty major.
As i was saying my parents are leaving, I'm gonna stay alone and all that. Well its finally happening. Yup in officially about a month (July 31st) my parents are supposed to go back to India. I'm to remain here to go to OCAD.
What do I say? Simply put;
IM SCARED
EFF man, this is WAY beyond ANYTHING I've ever had to experience. I'm going to miss my parents terribly, my brother, oh lord; he's a pain but he's an adorable pain who patiently puts up with me. And I mean like nothing gets past this kid. I can be an annoying piece of shit to him and he just brushes it off calmly. Plus he takes care of me yes I'm 17 and he's 8, shame on me.
What am I gonna do with my life without the three of them in it to make it insane??
I've promised myself I'll have a strong face for them though, I shant cry when they leave, I wont even flinch. Cue Bob Marley's No Woman No Cry, though I'm not a woman yet.
Actually more of Buffalo Soldier. That's precisely what I must be, a soldier. Life is a battle ground, you are a soldier. There are sweet victories and bitter losses, both of which shape you.
But then there also exists the middle ground, the partition. But parting as they say makes bonds stronger. So it's a good thing?? We shall see. It's going to be excruciatingly painful but I want to come out of this a stronger, better and more mature person then a whining bastard.

As to accommodation I looked hard for one as did my parents but couldn't find anything suitable. Our criteria was safe, reasonable, close to OCAD; and apparently for my parents a roommate. To me personally I wanted to live alone. Metaphorically fly the nest early and all. My parents were more comfortable with knowing I had a roommate and we could look out for each other and such. In the end it works out but to my slight inconvenience.
Through an acquaintance we found a lady in about her 50s (I think) who has never let out a room but has been meaning too but too afraid to proceed. Since we were recommended by the mutual acquaintance she agreed to meet us and consider. Shes Italian, very friendly with a BEAUTIFUL condo 5 minutes walk away from OCAD. My room will be what was originally an unused den. the condo has a pool, billiards room, AMAZING terrace with a clear view of AGO, OCAD and the CN tower, like literally in your face. the apartment itself is AMAZING. I love it, its beautiful.
Now this is all well but here is my problem. Originally i wanted to live alone so I could have friends over for sleepovers, movie nights, a birthday party and just hanging out. I was going to cook from scratch CUZ I CAN :D and just have fun. Besides I would have the whole space to myself to decorate and clean and make a mess off at my own leisure.
Now I'm severely restricted as to what I can do.
I'm not complaining, just a little disappointed. But I have my whole life to build towards a dream right??
I'll get there no problems.
:)
OMG, something just struck me. I forgot to say. I'M OFFICIALLY A GRADUTE !!!
Yes this little bastard managed to graduate. Through all the ups and downs of school i managed to graduate with exactly 30 credits. (oww my hand is cramping). Commencement was amazing. Not too many tears surprisingly!!

OH that brings me too, Im changing up my wardrobe. Finally to things i REALLY like. Im going a little military!! Ive always loved that trend it started with my boots and im carrying on with those colors and such. Of course Im not completely in but I have a few pieces from there.
BTW Joe fresh liquid eyeliner is AMAZING. Its only 6 bucks but works SOO WELL. It creates precise lines and is thick enough to show black in one stroke.

Uhh what else.....OH i start working at a company, in accounts in August. Not sure if I'll enjoy it but my timings are flexible.
Speaking of timings I registered for my courses. First sem I have my Friday off and Monday I have only one course and that's in the afternoon. Second sem I have Tuesday off and Friday i have one class in the morning .

I still have a ton of shopping ahead of me. Clothes mainly, a bookshelf, stationary and suchlike.
IKEA HERE I COME
:D

Still have to start packing my stuff separately
:'(
We are beginning to pack stuff my family will take though. So I'm back off to cleaning my stuff. I know its 3: 33 in the morning but the realtor is coming tomorrow to check out the house and I haven't helped clean anything, so I'm doing it know.
Yes I haven't shaken my night owl habits. Its bad for Uni I know.
Well then, over the summer I'll attempt to update on the hectic stuff ongoing

till then

~Live, Laugh, ARRR